Fed up Feeding

The ability of a mum to multi-task is an undisputed phenomenon.  This is because sometimes doing several things at once is the only way to get things done.  As I sit typing this one-handed whilst breastfeeding, my 9 month-old is currently relieving my engorged and lumpy left breast which for the last hour has been desperately in need of his attention.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have been lucky enough to be able to breastfeed both of my boys and have really enjoyed it, making the most of the best excuse ever for cuddles, but this hasn’t stopped me from making some amusing observations on the subject.

My name is Aimee, I’m a mother of two, and I haven’t worn a normal bra for nearly four years.  This is due to being pregnant or breastfeeding (or both) during all of that time.  Jokes aside, my husband has been very supportive during my BF journey (why wouldn’t he love the idea of NEVER having to get up in the night to make up a bottle?), and jokes only playfully about it not being fair that the babies get all of the action.  This brings me on to a concept that I think many couples who are parents are familiar with, but seldom discuss.  For want of a more delicate description, I shall call this Breastfeeding Porn, and I refer to the photos that a breastfeeding woman sends privately to her partner, of their baby enjoying a feed and looking cute (let’s face it, who else wants to see this?  There is no-one else you can send these pictures to!).  The receiving partner than gets to see two things that they love, at the same time!  This is one of the many and varied examples of the non-glamorous aspect of child-rearing, not to mention the things you never imagined doing.  In a recent attempt to get back in shape and enjoy some ‘me time’ I have been doing a bit of running.  I never thought that I would be stuffing breast pads into a sports bra!  NB the sports bra does NOT fit.  But the pregnancy bras are coming in to their own once more.

Breastfeeding Porn

Breastfeeding can also be something of an occupational hazard.  I don’t care to mention the number of times I have realised I’ve been walking around with my top undone after forgetting to fully put everything away.  I don’t have an issue with feeding in public.  I had a baptism of fire with my first son when he was four days old (during the same hospital visit as the audiology farting incident – see previous blog "Parents Talking Cr*p Again") and had to feed him in a waiting area with the assistance of my inadequate half-packed changing bag.  Feeling completely naked as I did wearing only a nursing vest top on a hot day, with no muslin or clothing to cover up with I had no choice but to go with it, and was greeted by the encouragement of two passing nurses, who stopped to coo over the tiny baby, and interacted with me and him as if I were fully clothed and he was just sat on my lap.  This experience cured me of any subsequent embarrassment, but I nonetheless use one of those modesty capes if I’m out somewhere like a café or restaurant.  This doesn’t stop people having a good look (sometimes wondering what on earth is going on!).  I was once out feeding youngest baby when a senior lady came up to me asking if I “had a baby in there” and promptly helped herself to a look by pulling the cape open and peering inside, before I had chance to say, “he’s feeding but I don’t mind if you don’t!”

Whilst always careful not to gross people out, I enjoy being able to talk openly about the mechanics of breastfeeding.  My sister used to attend a baby café where one of the peer supporters would lament the fact that women with large nipples always end up with babies with cherub mouths and conversely, ladies with small equipment inevitably get a baby that has what she affectionately termed a “letter box.”  My two babies have a cupid’s bow and a letter box, respectively!

I have found breastfeeding to be the most convenient and simple thing, which might be karma for the fact that I found weaning of solid foods a complete pain in the proverbial.  Up to weaning point I had honestly thought, “this baby lark is a doddle”, before hitting the wall: the constant cycle of food prep, food feed, food clear, milk.  A cycle which then repeats throughout the day with no time for anything else.  Throw in some gagging and clearing up sick for good measure too.  There’s nothing worse than the mess that ensues from a baby that is experimenting with food and managing to actually eat very little (although the mess of other people’s children always seems so much worse to witness!).  And there’s nothing more soul-destroying than the effort of making food for babies when nothing is getting eaten (I know some parents suffer this through to their children’s adolescence so I do count myself lucky!).  This was the inspiration behind the slogan used on a set of bib samples I recently made up for Cosycat - “Little Boys Make a Big Mess”.  And don’t I just know it.  Departing from the realms of reality I opted to photograph this product against plain white clothing and background and not during the aftermath of a spaghetti Bolognese explosion.

Yes they do!

For the truly experimental infant slop session, products do exist to contain the carnage.  We have a pop-up circular tray that goes around baby that we call “the flying saucer”.  This stops baby dropping food on the floor as their hands can’t reach the edge (sounds cruel, looks hilarious).  It comes with a full-frontal bib with sleeves which velcros onto the tray.  Nothing gets in, nothing gets out.

Flying saucer modelled without stick-on bib!

With littlest baby, the weaning turning point came when I made him some home-made baby food.  Up to this point his feedback had been along the lines of “baby rice? Seriously?”.  And as it worked so well I thought I’d replicate the little #BabyFoodRecipe I made up here to provide some #WeaningInspiration for others.  Now I would consider myself to be a resourceful but lazy cook.  I am too lazy to source recipes as well, hence making this up!  This recipe requires no blending (I can’t be bothered to buy one, I can’t be bothered to use it and I can’t be bothered to clean it).  All you need is that universal and ubiquitous kitchen utensil of choice: the humble potato masher!  I did invest in a large ice cube tray which was delivered by #AmazonPrime (lazy cow strikes again) which makes for excellent portioning and long-term storage.

Baby Bolognese (meat-free)

Ingredients:
1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into small cubes
1 small carrot, finely grated
Juice from tin of tomatoes (mummy gets to eat the tomatoes, preferably as part of a fry-up)
2 level tablespoons durum wheat dried semolina (baby pasta!)
Half teaspoon of dried herbs
Hot water (vegetable water works best – keep the water from microwaving baby’s cooked vegetable finger food!)
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

Method:
As soon as baby falls asleep and motivation strikes to prep the above ingredients, take a small saucepan and cover the sweet potato with hot water.  Boil with the lid on until soft.  Remove the toddler tugging at your legs and place in front of the television – see previous blog "Toddler TV - Driving You (Down the Hills and) Round the Bend").  Add the grated carrot and cook for 5 minutes (the time it takes to make yourself that well-deserved cup of tea).  Add the semolina and stir frequently (more liquid may be added to avoid sticking).  Add the tomato juice and the herbs.  Simmer gently until the potato is starting to fall and the pasta is swelled (this is the perfect time to do some mummy multi-tasking – empty washing machine, feed toddler/baby, respond to emails, phone a friend or even write a blog!).  You need to stir occasionally so make sure you don’t get too engrossed in your multi-tasking!  Then, the best bit – mash liberally with a potato masher.  Squish out the day’s frustration.  Leave to cool.  When ready to serve and/or portion, stir in the Parmesan cheese.

Spoon the mixture into the ice cube tray and freeze overnight.  When you next need the food, pop the portions out and store in a single freezer bag or container.  To use, defrost fully (in the fridge or in a microwave is safest), cover and microwave for 30 seconds per portion to cook.  Ensure food is piping hot and then cooled before giving to baby.  Let the carnage commence, and don’t forget your flying saucer!

Aimee Flower is the founder of Cosycat Baby Gifts, a part-time translator, a full-time mummy of two (and cat mummy of three), and regularly volunteers with her local NCT branch.  Diary of a Mumpreneur has been guest featured by Bump, Baby & You.